Lesbians

I’ve never bought the “lowest common denominator” image of popular art. Too many artists worry that popularity is the same as being “middle of the road.” I’m much more into the idea that the middle is the highest point. On a map, the center of a mountain is its peak. You need to climb very high to get there.

-- Dan Wilson Musician.

It is not uncommon to hear someone say, "I used to like this band before they sold out and got popular." If you like a certain style of music, it shouldn't matter that half of the world also likes your music. If you liked it before, you should still like it when everyone else does. Of course, I've always had the unfortunate habit of simply not liking whatever was popular at the time. I don't dislike it because it's popular, it just happens to be horrible music and really popular. Mind you, I'll admit I love really horrible, not so popular but nonetheless pop-y music. Video didn't kill the radio star, Top 40 did.Shh.

I do understand the desire to not be associated with subcultures that have similar musical tastes, and the annoyance that comes with being mistaken for a member of that subculture, especially if it is a subculture that you feel no connection to. Going to a Tegan and Sara concert does not make me a lesbian, nor does a deep appreciation for kd lang.

Shut up. All of you!

There Is Nothing Chai Cannot Fix

Last night was a horrible night. I'd been having one of those low self-esteem weeks, and I had a major jealousy attack. I hate feeling something icky like that, which only makes me feel bad for feeling icky about someone. Vicious cycle. (We're allowed to be conversational in these things, right?) Anyway, I ended up crying in the bathroom while everyone else went to Starbucks. Nobody even asked if I wanted to come. So I called my ex, who was with the group, and yelled at him for not letting me know that they were all going. He asked if I wanted him to pick anything up for me, and I snapped back that I only wanted to go along and no I don't want anything. In the background I hear the person who caused me to flip out having fun and being disgustingly perky. The nerve! I finally let him talk me into letting him get me a chai eggnog latte, and everything was better.

"You simply can’t make someone love you if they don’t. You must choose someone who already loves you. If you choose someone who does not love you, this is the sort of love you must want."

-- Israel Horovitz Playwright/screenwriter, from his new play, The Secret of Mme. Bonnard's Bath.

A Holy Pilgrimage, and Reminiscing about Music

This past weekend I went to Seattle, the birthplace of two of my greatest loves - grunge and Starbucks. My friend and I actually went to the Pike Place Starbucks, the first Starbucks coffeehouse to be opened, long after the Starbucks roasting company was bought out. Of course there was a plethora of Pike Place exclusive merchandise thingies to buy, and I did indeed succumb to the siren call of the exclusive Starbucks card.

While we are on the subject of siren calls...

"Music is what I always turn to when I’m feeling a certain way. It’s my reason for everything."

-- Josh Groban Musician.

I love the versatility of music. I have my happy-yay music, and my I-hate-the-world-and-want-to-die music. Sometimes, but not too often, one song can fill each of those places in my heart. Two perfect examples being "Blessed Be the Name of the Lord" (I don't care if I've just alienated my entire audience with my churchiness. My blog, my rules!), and oddly enough, "Coming Undone" by Korn. There is also a grey area, filled by songs like "Maxwell's Silver Hammer". It has a very happy sound to it until one hears the lyrics and discovers it's about a mass murdering psycho. I'm innocent! The Beatles made me do it!

Music, much like the sense of smell, has the ability to bring me back to an important moment that I heard a certain song. It's not always the first time I'd heard it, but songs seem to be attached to feelings. Darren Hayes's "Random Blinking Light" always makes me think of snow, because I was listening to it when I was walking home from my shift at Starbucks and it had just started to snow. The street lights lit everything up with an artificial orange glow, and I was sipping at my Venti peppermint green tea. It really was a beautiful moment. Another such song is the remixed version of "Come What May" from the Moulin Rouge soundtrack. That one always takes me back to dawn, and walking down the hill from my parents' house to my ex's work which was just at the bottom of the hill, on my way to school. We were more or less together then, and either way I was so utterly in love. I also relate Michael W Smith's entire album Live the Life to my ex. We were going to elope (not a word of a lie!), and he called me from just up the street and said that he couldn't. My heart shattered. I don't think I have ever cried so hard as I did in those few hours. It's not very fun being told by the man you would die for that he won't marry you, and then have Michael W Smith tell you that you've never been unloved. I don't think I'll ever know which made me cry more.

Smooth, With a Capital "Smoo"

I must appologize for being late with today's post. I had the option of going home and doing homework after a bunch of friends went out for dinner or I could have watched 6 episodes of Red Dwarf at a friend's. Sorry guys, the BBC wins every time.

This quote is brought to you by my homemade almond misto and treasured ceramic Starbucks mug that looks like the paper ones they have in the stores. It's killing me that the eggnog shipments are in and I have not yet had a chai-eggnog latte.

"You can see deeply into a tangled forest if you peer closely."

Mike Kershnar Artist and cofounder of Elemental Awareness, a charitable organization that works with youth.

If taken literally, this is a bold lie. If you peer deeply into a tangled forest, you are more likely to get poked in the eye by a tree branch than to see deeply into said forest. If the forest is taken as a metaphor for life and tricky situations, it's possibly useful advice.

I have a habit of panicking when confronted with something new or stressful, and I can only focus on my inability to complete the task before me. This only exacerbates my anxiety, until I am reduced to a quivering blob of insecurity whimpering in the fetal position on the floor. This of course could be avoided if I were to calmly take a closer look at my situation and figure out how to deal with whatever is causing me stress. If I were to look closely at the situation, I'd probably see some obvious answer that I'd have missed because I was busy trying not to explode.

Life and Death

In the end we’re all the same.

-- Ben Kweller, rock musician

Well, I guess this depends on your views about the afterlife if indeed there is one. Heaven, Nirvana, worm food, somebody's gonna be right and if the truth is that there is nothing then nobody is going to know. Weird, eh?

While equality in death is debatable, it shouldn't be that way in life. We're all people, and it doesn't make sense that we've divided the world into "Us" and "Them" (Pink Floyd, anyone?). We all have the same basic drives. We want food, shelter, clothing, companionship, and freedom. It all comes down to these things, no matter who you are.


We don't need to wait until we die to be the same. Even with the wide array of personalities out there, at the heart of it, we're all the same now.

"In three decades of polling, I’ve found that while individuals make mistakes in judgment, America as a whole rarely does. A collective wisdom emerges from a poll or vote that is far greater than the sum of its parts."

-- John Zogby Pollster, president and CEO of Zogby International.

This guy is kidding, right?

Well, I suppose one one level it's true. "America" doesn't make mistakes. It's a country, a benign entity incapable of conscious thought. And when someone says something such as, "America doesn't make mistakes" I'd assume one was referring to those at the head of the American government, representing the American populace. And yes, America has made some pretty damn stupid mistakes in judgement. Just mention Iraq and weapons of mass destruction in the same sentence and see who doesn't snicker.

Dinner is Served!

"With all the food leaving our kitchens each night, I’m still astonished that this country has a hunger problem. There are hungry people in every community who cannot afford food. While I can’t help every family, I can start by helping one."
-- Tom Douglas Chef and author.

I try not to carry cash with me when I go downtown. Too many people ask me to give it to them, and then the next person comes along and I have to say, "Sorry, I gave all my money to that guy." That, and I do not feel comfortable supporting someone's drug habit. Now I know not all street people are on drugs, but many are. This is a different issue. Instead, I carry my debit card. Provided my account balance is somewhere in the realm of ten bucks, I have no problem buying someone some dinner.

But that's not enough. You can teach a man to fish to feed himself, but who owns the pond? Poverty goes deeper than a single meal can solve.

I don't propose that I have the answers. I have no idea how we're supposed to fix the hunger problem. And I know that I cannot fix it with one Big Mac.

But hey, it's a start!

Have you noticed that dogs are the new kids? You take a walk with your kid and your dog, but nobody says, “What a cute kid!” Instead they say, “What a cute dog! What’s his name? Is he a rescue?” Maybe if I put a collar and leash on my kid someone will notice her.
-- Judy Gruen Humorist and author of The Women’s Daily Irony Supplement.

Perhaps in this age of pedophiles running rampant, not mentioning the cuteness of someone's child is more of a personal safety mechanism than sheer rudeness. Of course the likes of Paris Hilton have made "small yappy-type" dogs that fit in handbags all the rage. Also, nobody cares if you name your dog something ridiculous like Apple or Moon Unit.

Twinkle, Twinkle Under a Bushel

"All the darkness of the world cannot extinguish the light of a small candle."
-- Reza Deghati Photographer, humanitarian and National Geographic Fellow.

Poetic, isn't it? If anything, darkness encourages the light. We don't usually use candles in rooms with electric lights switched on. They're reserved for quieter, darker, more intimate moments. Nobody goes on a candle-lit lunch date.

I can't help but hum to myself that old Sunday school song, "This Little Light of Mine". That's the spirit Deghati touches on. Nothing can stop the light that shines out of you, whatever that light may be. A light will shine in the darkness, if it's not hidden under a bushel. Well, even then light's probably going to sneak out through the cracks, but the general idea is that light shines strongest unimpeded by things that would block it. It does little good if it's too dim to allow one to see anything.

And for today's depressing thought:

While darkness cannot defeat light, space and time can. Sure we see stars burning billions of miles (or kilometres - whatever!) away, but these are massive orbs of flaming gas - not your commonplace dollar store votives. Even then, there is so much that we cannot see; the vastness of our universe is simply too great.

Good Morning, Jerk-Face!

"When I wake up in the morning, I want to know that my family, friends, and fans know what I believe in and what I'm all about. That's what should be important."
- Robert Randolph, musician

When I wake up, all I want is a cup of coffee (facetious tone!). But in all reality, I rather agree with Mr. Randolph. It's very difficult to get through the day if you are aware that people have the "wrong" idea about you. When your self-image doesn't match the image that others have of you it can be quite hurtful, whether people think less of you or expect more than you are capable of.

I do not think I am a horible person. When someone tells me that I am a horrible person, half of the time I become consumed with trying to convince this person that I am indeed a decent human being. Actually, I think I try to convince myself. For the most part, it doesn't matter what other people think of me.

As for family, my mother once called me the white sheep. I loved her for that. They knew the person that I wanted to be, and my parents encouraged it. My sister, being the polar opposite of everything I am, mocked me relentlessly. I was uncool, fat, and stupid in her eyes. After a while, I discovered that I didn't want her to think I was cool if being cool required stealing, doing drugs, and partying. Not that I didn't go through a phase where I did these things, I just hated myself for doing them.

Throughout highschool I never got along with the popular kids. I don't suppose my disdain for them helped too much, but it was a vicious hate-hate cycle. They never liked me, so I never liked them, and because I didn't like them they didn't like me. I never wanted them to. I had my friends who were accustomed to my particular quirks and flaws, and they liked me because, if not in spite, of these things.

I don't have any fans. If I did, I would want them to know what I believe too. I would want them to see me in the fullest way possible. Like my friends, I would want them to see the not so great things about me and the things that I think make me a fabulous example of a decent human being.

You can't really say you know someone unless you've seen both sides.

My Generation

Tonight is brought to you by a tall half peppermint half raspberry mocha, and an apparent fixation on all things 60s.

"We are the first generation in history that can end extreme poverty. That's our good fortune, our challenge and our responsibility"
- Jeffrey Sachs, Author

Y'know, it's probably true. We probably can end poverty in our lifetime. We probably could have done it twenty years ago, too. But we didn't. And as cynical as I may sound, I honestly don't believe that we will do it in the next twenty years. As a society, we haven't even figured out how to treat each other equally. We haven't cured AIDS, cancer, or the common cold.

What really bothers me is that we could do these things. It isn't a matter of lack of materials. I'm sure enough food is thrown out of North American homes each day to keep someone else fed. It sickens me how much food I let go to waste because I cannot be bothered to cook it before its expiration date. We've all been told to eat everything on our plates because somewhere in Africa there is a little boy or girl who didn't get dinner that night. Yet I'm sure we all realized that no-one was about to ship our dinner across the oceans to give it to the aforementioned starving child.

I recall reading a comic about Superman giving food to a remote country. And he had to do it the next day. Then the other hungry people decided they needed help too. One day, Superman didn't come.

I used to volunteer with this organization in Whalley. We gave out hot meals and clothes to whoever showed up, and some nights it got pretty busy. Soon, we started to recognize the regulars. Sure, there we were helping, but why did they keep coming back? Weren't we making their lives better so that they didn't need to be dependent on out handouts? Give a man a fish...

I believe in trying to make the world a better place. I just don't believe that we can ever solve everything. Despite the world's efforts, there will always be someone who doesn't have a home to go to. There will always be someone who didn't get dinner. But maybe tomorrow there will be one less. And maybe twenty years from now we'll be a lot closer to the perfect world than we are at this very moment.

Maybe.

Two for the Price of "WHAT? A COFFEE COSTS HOW MUCH?!"

Really, I've ceased to be surprised by how much my favourite concoctions can cost. A venti extra-shot cafe vanilla orange frappucino, double-blended and affogato style please costs a nasty $6 or so. Being a college student who cannot afford rent and food as it is, I decided to go with the much safer cinnamon dolce latte for this evening's musings.

"Give me world politics, gender politics, party politics or small-town politics...I'll take them all over the politics of youth sports."
- Brenda Stonecipher, Starbucks customer

As promised, tonight I have a special bonus quotation for you!

"Poli`tics" is made up of two words, "poli", which is Greek for "many", and "tics, which are blood sucking insects.
-Gore Vidal (also attributed to Dave Barry, Robin Williams, and many others)

While I have to smile and sort of agree with Gore/Dave/Robin, I rather disagree with Brenda. Give me anything but gender politics! Even the words conjure up images of scary femi-nazi lesbians raging against the evils of a patriarchal society designed to repress women. Whatever!

I am fully aware that there are is a great number of women who will never step foot in a school. I am well aware that in some places women are not allowed to show their faces in public. I realize that many girls and women are sold into the sex trade. I do not deny that these things happen. I do, however, deny that in North American society women are not equal to men.

Each sex has traditionally defined roles to play in our society. These are stereotypes, and not evil totalitarian regimes of terror over the daily lives of people. Men are typically perceived to be more left-brained, and value physical strength. Women tend to be seen as nurturing and more social. Why? Because for the most part, that's just how we are. Whether this is a product of biology or society is sort of bumph. I know several women who work in traditionally male jobs - carpentry, doctoring, etc. They do these things as well as any of my male friends do. I also have male friends who are just as qualified to teach or raise a family as any woman I know.

The strengths of each gender stereotype are different, but none is inferior. We need both. And we need men to be the hunter/gatherers; we need women too. We need women to nourish our society, as well as men. We need men to protect women, and women who can protect themselves. We need women to protect men.

Because I do not treat women as inferior, I expect that most people I know do not. I know, it's a horrible habit to assume the world thinks as I do. I'm surprised that with all our modern thinking we haven't solved the world's problems. Perhaps that makes me childish, idealistic and a prime example of all-out denial. But shouldn't we have grasped the concept of human equality a while ago? I'm not a feminist. I am not a masculinist. I'm not, in the strictest terms, a humanist. I'm just a person who wants the world to get along, and is somewhat baffled as to why it doesn't yet.

And heck, here's a third quote:

"You may say that I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one"

- John Lennon visionary, icon, poet

Day 1

It is 9:22. I am not about to go and actually purchase a Starbucks beverage at this time of night. The last time I did, I ended up not sleeping for two entire days. It wasn't pretty. For the sake of an entry, I will begin this blog with a quote stolen from the Starbucks website

"Run when you can, walk when you have to, crawl if you must; just never give up."

- Dean Karnanzes, Author of Ultramarathon Man


Last year I had my schedule all planned out. I had my job, volunteering to feed the homeless, school and some semblance of a social life all tucked away into their proper places on my mental schedule. I was passionate about everything on my plate, and I was going to do it all. However, it turns out that people need to sleep, and that alone time is essential to living a healthy and balanced life. After about a week, I dropped several of my volunteer/extra curricular projects. I simply did not have the time to tackle everything I wanted to do. Then, I decided to quit the horrible job, in order to put my energies into my horrible school and horrible commitments. That winter sucked. But I held on, and didn't give up. Mr. Karnanzes would be proud!