Lesbians

I’ve never bought the “lowest common denominator” image of popular art. Too many artists worry that popularity is the same as being “middle of the road.” I’m much more into the idea that the middle is the highest point. On a map, the center of a mountain is its peak. You need to climb very high to get there.

-- Dan Wilson Musician.

It is not uncommon to hear someone say, "I used to like this band before they sold out and got popular." If you like a certain style of music, it shouldn't matter that half of the world also likes your music. If you liked it before, you should still like it when everyone else does. Of course, I've always had the unfortunate habit of simply not liking whatever was popular at the time. I don't dislike it because it's popular, it just happens to be horrible music and really popular. Mind you, I'll admit I love really horrible, not so popular but nonetheless pop-y music. Video didn't kill the radio star, Top 40 did.Shh.

I do understand the desire to not be associated with subcultures that have similar musical tastes, and the annoyance that comes with being mistaken for a member of that subculture, especially if it is a subculture that you feel no connection to. Going to a Tegan and Sara concert does not make me a lesbian, nor does a deep appreciation for kd lang.

Shut up. All of you!

There Is Nothing Chai Cannot Fix

Last night was a horrible night. I'd been having one of those low self-esteem weeks, and I had a major jealousy attack. I hate feeling something icky like that, which only makes me feel bad for feeling icky about someone. Vicious cycle. (We're allowed to be conversational in these things, right?) Anyway, I ended up crying in the bathroom while everyone else went to Starbucks. Nobody even asked if I wanted to come. So I called my ex, who was with the group, and yelled at him for not letting me know that they were all going. He asked if I wanted him to pick anything up for me, and I snapped back that I only wanted to go along and no I don't want anything. In the background I hear the person who caused me to flip out having fun and being disgustingly perky. The nerve! I finally let him talk me into letting him get me a chai eggnog latte, and everything was better.

"You simply can’t make someone love you if they don’t. You must choose someone who already loves you. If you choose someone who does not love you, this is the sort of love you must want."

-- Israel Horovitz Playwright/screenwriter, from his new play, The Secret of Mme. Bonnard's Bath.

A Holy Pilgrimage, and Reminiscing about Music

This past weekend I went to Seattle, the birthplace of two of my greatest loves - grunge and Starbucks. My friend and I actually went to the Pike Place Starbucks, the first Starbucks coffeehouse to be opened, long after the Starbucks roasting company was bought out. Of course there was a plethora of Pike Place exclusive merchandise thingies to buy, and I did indeed succumb to the siren call of the exclusive Starbucks card.

While we are on the subject of siren calls...

"Music is what I always turn to when I’m feeling a certain way. It’s my reason for everything."

-- Josh Groban Musician.

I love the versatility of music. I have my happy-yay music, and my I-hate-the-world-and-want-to-die music. Sometimes, but not too often, one song can fill each of those places in my heart. Two perfect examples being "Blessed Be the Name of the Lord" (I don't care if I've just alienated my entire audience with my churchiness. My blog, my rules!), and oddly enough, "Coming Undone" by Korn. There is also a grey area, filled by songs like "Maxwell's Silver Hammer". It has a very happy sound to it until one hears the lyrics and discovers it's about a mass murdering psycho. I'm innocent! The Beatles made me do it!

Music, much like the sense of smell, has the ability to bring me back to an important moment that I heard a certain song. It's not always the first time I'd heard it, but songs seem to be attached to feelings. Darren Hayes's "Random Blinking Light" always makes me think of snow, because I was listening to it when I was walking home from my shift at Starbucks and it had just started to snow. The street lights lit everything up with an artificial orange glow, and I was sipping at my Venti peppermint green tea. It really was a beautiful moment. Another such song is the remixed version of "Come What May" from the Moulin Rouge soundtrack. That one always takes me back to dawn, and walking down the hill from my parents' house to my ex's work which was just at the bottom of the hill, on my way to school. We were more or less together then, and either way I was so utterly in love. I also relate Michael W Smith's entire album Live the Life to my ex. We were going to elope (not a word of a lie!), and he called me from just up the street and said that he couldn't. My heart shattered. I don't think I have ever cried so hard as I did in those few hours. It's not very fun being told by the man you would die for that he won't marry you, and then have Michael W Smith tell you that you've never been unloved. I don't think I'll ever know which made me cry more.

Smooth, With a Capital "Smoo"

I must appologize for being late with today's post. I had the option of going home and doing homework after a bunch of friends went out for dinner or I could have watched 6 episodes of Red Dwarf at a friend's. Sorry guys, the BBC wins every time.

This quote is brought to you by my homemade almond misto and treasured ceramic Starbucks mug that looks like the paper ones they have in the stores. It's killing me that the eggnog shipments are in and I have not yet had a chai-eggnog latte.

"You can see deeply into a tangled forest if you peer closely."

Mike Kershnar Artist and cofounder of Elemental Awareness, a charitable organization that works with youth.

If taken literally, this is a bold lie. If you peer deeply into a tangled forest, you are more likely to get poked in the eye by a tree branch than to see deeply into said forest. If the forest is taken as a metaphor for life and tricky situations, it's possibly useful advice.

I have a habit of panicking when confronted with something new or stressful, and I can only focus on my inability to complete the task before me. This only exacerbates my anxiety, until I am reduced to a quivering blob of insecurity whimpering in the fetal position on the floor. This of course could be avoided if I were to calmly take a closer look at my situation and figure out how to deal with whatever is causing me stress. If I were to look closely at the situation, I'd probably see some obvious answer that I'd have missed because I was busy trying not to explode.